I don’t want to write this race recap because I’d like to pretend that Sunday never happened, but it did… and I’m left examining my relationship with running and “training.”
Since I’d completed the Golden Snowflake Challenge (Saturday 5K, Sunday half marathon) in 2017 and 2018, I knew what I was signing myself up for when registering. I questioned this decision after being invited to a Saturday night holiday party… on a yacht. It was actually hosted by my former, and Annalise’s current, employer Jones Environmental. While I knew it would be fun and I would enjoy catching up with my old co-workers, I expected a short night of sleep pre-race. Once we departed the docks in Newport Beach, I would be stuck partying until 10:00pm. With this in mind, I decided to make a last-minute switch from the 5K to the 10K so that I’d have an extra hour and a half of recovery time on Saturday. Yes, I would rather wake up earlier and have more time to nap than to sleep in and not nap!
Saturday morning
I left Long Beach ~5:10am to arrive in Pomona around 6:05am. I actually witnessed and was almost part of a bad car accident on the 57 freeway; a car got clipped by a semi and spun out directly in front of me. I went from ~75 mph to 0 mph within a few feet, and am still thanking whatever entity saved me that there weren’t more cars on the road or in my lane. After arriving safely at Bonelli Park, I parked, put on as many layers as possible (it was 43°!) and walked to bib pick-up for my and Annalise’s race items. I then returned to and sat in my warm car for a few minutes before heading out to warm up and run the 10K.
One of the highlights of the Holiday Half Marathon events is running on the NHRA Auto Club Raceway in the Fairplex which would be eliminated this year, so I was curious as to what the new course would be like.
My goal for the 10K was to run faster than 7:00 minute per mile pace, which I did, averaging 6:45. My effort was consistent, I felt good, and I categorized it as a solid training run. Since I’d done no 10K-specific work and am still not running much at threshold pace, my expectations were low. The course was almost entirely made up rolling hills, which I’d expected, but featured a really annoying “little” hill at the very end. While short, it was steep and on a 180° curve… not ideal for a fast / strong finish. I survived it though and did a quick cool down before catching up with a few friends who were managing the event.
I got back to Long Beach later than expected, and ended up being on the go for most of the day before the holiday party. Annalise and I got our nails done and then searched for holiday dresses at a few local stores, only to buy nothing. By the time I knew it, I was glammed up and heading toward Newport Beach to board a yacht for 4.5 hours!
Saturday evening
In summary, it was very fun, but I was ready to leave at 8:00pm. I’d run out of social energy, couldn’t warm up, and was tired of my heeled boots. I even tried dancing to inject some pep into my step and warm me up, but I was pretty done. I was home and in my warm bed by 10:45pm that night, looking kind of forward to the next day.
Sunday morning
I woke up and didn’t feel too tired, but also wasn’t super excited to run 13.1 hilly miles. Since the half marathon didn’t start until 8:00am, we were able to leave Long Beach at 6:00am with plenty of time to spare. When we started to warm up at 7:15am, I immediately noticed the fatigue in my legs. I felt like I was working too hard to just be jogging around. But, I’ve run okay races after sub-par warm-ups before, so I wasn’t overly worried… yet.
With the exception of the first mile, every single one of the following 12.19 forthcoming miles forthcoming felt worse than the previous one. There were some particularly exposed and windy miles right in the middle during which I almost started to cry. I felt miserable and couldn’t even focus on the number of miles remaining; I could only think about making it to the next mile marker, whether it was via running or walking. Perhaps I’d feel relief during the less windy sections, or on some of the downhills? No. It was a sufferfest pretty much from mile 2 to the finish. When I finally crossed the finish line after what felt like 9 hours, I learned the I wasn’t the only one who felt like absolute garbage that day. My goal had been to run 1:35 and I ended up finishing in 1:37:38. I was surprised to see that none of my mile splits were above 8:00 minutes/mile… which I will take as a win.
I’d planned to take the following Monday off of running, but decided to wallow in my disappointment and be a lazy ass through Thursday. It’s now Friday, and I finally got a run in this morning.
I now find myself questioning my relationship with running and feeling stupid for training the way that I do. I’m aware that I’ve made some poor decisions to get myself here and am now having to live with it, but it’s still hard to accept. With the new year approaching (14 days!), I’d like to figure out what my 2022 plan is, whether that’s being more aggressive with healing my ankle, “retiring” from running all together, or continuing to run but focusing more on strength work. I don’t think I’m ready to give up yet, but I feel like I have no direction and am not progressing.
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