I suppose it’s time for an update.
The injury lingers, but I’m also not truly allowing it to heal. June 8 was the first “official” day of the rough patch. I took a few days completely off and then started to strength train and log hours on the eliptical. Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays = strength + cardio days. Mondays, Wednesdays, Saturdays and Sundays = cardio days. After a few weeks, I tried to run here and there on the treadmill or outside, but was still experiencing a significant amount of pain. There wasn’t any consistency to my running, but I was trying to stay consistent with exercise. I think I took another 5 days entirely off some time in July, hoping that I would be 100% healed upon my return. Between August 1 and 11, I ran every single day, while also maintaining my Tues/Thurs/Fri strength training split. The month of August started off on a hopeful note.
Admittedly, I’d been running in pain for those 2 weeks. It was spotty the first week; I felt pretty good for some runs, and really terrible (injury-wise) during others. Pace was of little concern to me, but it was slightly disheartening to check my average after the run and see that I’d barely broken 9:00 minutes/mile. During the second week of consistent running, I decided to try to run faster 2 milers a few evenings per week. Not only did I try to jump into speed way too quickly, but I decided that it was time to bring back my beloved two-a-days. I am a very, very stupid girl sometimes. By Thursday, my knee was aching so badly that I was having trouble sleeping. I took Friday-Sunday off.
I feel extremely frustrated that I’m not healing as quickly as I’d like. With ample time for self-reflection, I’ve realized just how impatient I am and how beneficial it would be for me to work on that. I’m a now, now, now person, which can be good in some situations, but usually only leads to frustration. Not only am I impatient, but I’m an all-or-nothing type of person. I’m either going 100mph or at a full stop. For example, I had social plans each day this weekend that I was SO excited about during the week prior. I started to feel so frustrated and angry on Thursday that I flaked on everything. In fact, I flake a lot. I don’t just take a few deep breaths and try to move forward at 50mph (where were you this weekend rational Gisele?). I get stuck in the quicksand of my emotions and let it envelope me.
Another nugget of self revelation was that I’ve lost all feelings of momentum that I used to thrive on. My runs every day filled my fitness coffers, both in a short and long term sense. I felt like I had dropped a coin into the aerobic bank each morning and sometimes evening and it made me feel like I was moving forward toward something. I enjoyed my weekly routine with easy runs, tempo runs, workouts, hill workouts, et cetera. Sure, the eliptical and strength training provide me with an endorphin boost each morning, but that feeling of momentum just isn’t there. I’m a firm believer in the theory of specificity and though I know the aerobic cross-training is better than nothing, it feels like a very slow crawl versus what I’m accustomed to.
I realize that I am the only person responsible for my frustration and response to stress. It is up to me to work on healing my body and strengthening my my mind. Trying to run on a bum knee is silly and indicative of compulsion. Crying “woe is me” because I can’t run is equally silly and selfish (I could be suffering much more severe health issues). I need to stay positive, grateful, and rational. I need to get out of my head, engage more with others, stop throwing mini pity parties, and grow up a litt-…..a lot.